i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
