so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
