I would go down on you faster than GM stock
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
