if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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