i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This is the high leading the old right now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
