so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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