fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
