I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
