i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
