What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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