i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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