guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
