i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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