FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
