There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
