The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
