I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
