why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
