You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I want is dick and wine.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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