please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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