Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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