I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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