take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
