I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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