Sponge bath it is.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
