Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bring me that man meat
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
