I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
