Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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