theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
