It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
