I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
