i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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