I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
