he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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