meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
