Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
