im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
