Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
