It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
