One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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