"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
