Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
