come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
