i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
