let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
