She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
