I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
