So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
