oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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