I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
