This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
