Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize