they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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