you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize