I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
