Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
