Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
