By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize