A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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