I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
