my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
