You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
