i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
