He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
NoShamevember. You game?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
