I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
