Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
