i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
