forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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