No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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