I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
