please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
