so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
