I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you still have your period?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
