Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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