the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
