I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
