This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
