so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
