I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
