Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
time to smoke my breakfast
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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