Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
