Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
