This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize