I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
