Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
