Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Are we still banned from the library?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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