marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize