okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
