Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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