sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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