This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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