So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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