I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
