Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
