i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize