The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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