I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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