Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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