I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
