i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
