Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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