Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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