my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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