"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize