I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
