The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
