wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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