the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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