Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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