sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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