when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
