My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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