Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
