pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
