last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
