so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize