when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
