At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize