I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
