You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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