I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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