Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
