I cockslap morals
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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