every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
