ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
