babies were throwing up all over the place
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
