there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sex in a hospital.. check
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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