i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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