you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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