At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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