He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
