Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
