I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
