we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
