Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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